Honestly, I don't know why I'm still alive. Coping w/Bipolar Depression has been extremely difficult of late. I don't feel like I belong with the human race. I have felt this way since my mother passed away. With no insurance, how does a person even get the help they need?
I started a job in which I am going to have more responsibility. I don't honestly think I can handle it. I have no car, no way to get home at night if I'm closing the store. I feel like I can't do anything right. How am I supposed to function? I have lost my faith in God. What do I do? I have thought on many occasions that it is time to check out.
Living at a sober living residence, one I was at before, it is hard to be in my skin. I went there before making the mistake of relapsing on alcohol again. But I have a loud voice, a scowl I don't know I wearing most of the time, and fear that is consuming me. I break out in hives. I feel like my family doesn't want to know me any more. I have PTSD from the last residence I lived in. What's next? Check out?
There is not much hope left, its not just self pity, it's a dark cloud.
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